NEW HAVEN, Conn. – The Simpsons recently skewered social justice warriors at American universities with visit by billionaire antagonist Montgomery Burns to his alma mater, Yale University – “The Harvard of Connecticut.”

Burns, owner of Springfield’s nuclear power plant, visited with two Yale administrators during a recent episode to make a sizeable endowment to the school, but soon realized it’s not the same place it once was.

“I am here to offer you money,” Burns said. “I’d like to endow a department of nuclear plant management.”

“Wonderful,” the administrator replied. “Of course, we can’t do nuclear.”

“Our students are highly entitled wusses,” his female colleague explained.

“You’d be creating a space for violence to happen,” the first official said as a caption flashes on the screen: “Actual quote from Yale student.”

“How about funding a chair in the non-narrative cinema of self-identified pansexuals?” he offered instead.

“What? What? What? What?” Burns said, confused and heartbroken.

“We also need to hire more deans to decide which Halloween costumes are appropriate,” the woman administrator said.

“Eight deans should do it,” her associate said, prompting Burns to spit in disgust.

“Is this still a coven of capitalism where evil money can acquire a patina of virtue?” Burns shot back.

“Yes, that’s in our charter,” the administrator said.

“But … with an issue as heteropatriarchal as nuclear power, we’ll have to hire multicultural empathizers, build a new safe space,” the female official added.

“Not so fast,” a tennis-racket wielding group of students cut in. “We insist on a chair of anti-nuclear studies and a nuclear-neutral curriculum pathway.”

“Absolutely Teddy,” the administrator said.

“We run all decisions past the squash team,” he explained to Burns, who is left reeling from conversation.

“What’s happened to this place?” he questioned as he noticed numerous protest signs on campus.

“Eli Yale was a profiteering slave trader,” one read.

“Shakespeare is murder,” read another.

A third, hung above a sword-wielding statue, said “Take swords off statues.”

“This was the home of ruthless media disrupter Samuel F.B. Morse. Who’s his successor? That fellow?” Burns asked the officials, pointing to the squash student.

“Fellow?” the student shot back. “That word is cis-gender normative, okay! You’re worse than Hitler!”

“Too late for flattery,” Burns said. “I’m not giving this school a dime.”